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Minion Declaration
submitted by Heather
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Minions (aka Flunkies on the weekends) are followers of Supreme Overlord Misha Collins. The Supreme Overlord is also known at The Enlightened One, Tzar, The Babysitter, My Liege, Commandant, Swami, The Oppressor, & The Great Confuser. He also prefers to be known as a "voyeur" or "silent but deadly" rather than a "lurker". Misha is a trusted political advisor, yet has stated he is not trustworthy. He is not to be questioned or corrected by Minions and apologies are beneath him. Misha knows thirty-nine (39) languages plus the six (6) spoken in his home growing up, and holds nineteen (19) passports. He likes the fact that his twits result in underage drinking and is always game to see someone explode. Hereafter follows a list of facts, proclamations, and general code of behavior for minions as stated explicitly by the Supreme Overlord:
Misha and his Minions do not "tweet," they "twit."
The name for the Supreme Overlord's plot for world domination is "The Mint-Chocolate Experience."
Misha did not build Rome in a day. He "merely hid in a roman sewer with my great Dane, Rupert, for a day," and then proceeded to make "his hide into a raft & escaped thru the aqueducts.
Misha did not invent the internet, he invented a game called "gash" where you bounce large glass marbles off your baby brother's skull.
As of June 2009, minions are expected to be able to read and write in five (5) different languages.
Illinois is in Canada and New Zealand and Italy are in Australia. Also, the UK is a small Third World island-monarchy located just east of Ireland.
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Proclamation #6b: Minions are heretofore forbidden to guilt trip the Supreme Overlord. This edict explicitly exempts the Supreme Overlord's mother.
Misha escaped from Guantanamo using 250 gallons of gasoline, a catapult, a band-aid, and a pair of Ray Bans.
Misha's "friends" are Mahmoud AhmadiNejad, Michelle Obama & _Alyssa_Milano.
Minion Twitter time zones should be set to Tehran to present a more united front and confuse our enemies and local authorities.
Minion Readiness Directive #2e: Minions will arise at exactly the same time no matter where they are in the world.
MRD #2e part-B: All minions will wake up _ 6AM Vancouver time. In Sydney, Australia, for example, that will be 11:00 PM local time.
The Supreme Overlord has seen the movie "Up!" at least three (3) times and the character of Alpha, the dog with the broken transponder, is based completely upon his life and personality.
There are one (1) Minions per every 10,000 square kilometers on Earth. Minions are to have staked out their 10,000 km and pay the Supreme Overlord with half (1/2) of their harvests.
The proper salutation for someone who is getting out of bed is "good morning, you parasite." Furthermore, Minions only need ~1.3 hours sleep, the rest of the time in bed is used for strategizing.
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Misha retains the right to First Night.
Minions are encouraged to cause website server crashes.
The Supreme Overlord raises many goats on the steppes and bathes in yogurt in the summer months, as it is more plentiful than water.
The art of confusion and thumb wrestling will be used to help achieve world domination.
The Supreme Overlord is always with and watching over Minions, even when they are sleeping. To ensure security in the event of their death, he has taken out life insurance policies on them with himself of the sole beneficiary.
Morality is not important.
The Supreme Overlord built the Hubble Space Telescope.
As of December 18, 2009, _lizajaneok was appointed Director of Charitable Affairs by the Supreme Overlord.
On January 10, 2010, the Supreme Overlord appointed _tracy_loo_who as Treasurer.
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Minions are encouraged to surgically implant tracking devices in their mothers' bodies.
Prostitutes are a good cause.
The Supreme Overlord is a technical genius.
P. Diddy once slashed the Supreme Overlord's tires. Misha and his Minions are engaged in a war with P. Diddy (involving cupcakes) and Ellen DeGeneres for world domination.
The Supreme Overlord would love to give everyone's privates personal attention, but that would be both exhausting and unsanitary.
Misha played the final US/Canada Olympic game under the pseudonym "Ryan Malone."
Osteoporosis has made the Supreme Overlord firm.
Observance of Sabbath is out, and sinning is in.
The official minion websites are located at www.mishasminions.com and www.mishasminions.webs.com.. The official site for minion stimulus is www.minionstimulus.com.
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The Supreme Overlord's mailing address is as follows:
Supreme Overlord
P.O. Box 74557
2768 W. Broadway
Vancouver, BC V6K1K1
Mail will also reach him if addressed to one of the PROPER aliases.
